10 Positive Discipline Strategies That Actually Work for Pre-Teens and Teenagers

It can be difficult to discipline a pre-teen or teenager. They often seem to lack the respect that we expect them to have, and it feels like nothing we do seems to work. The truth is, however, that there are many discipline strategies that do work - you just need to find the ones that will work for your child. In this blog post, I will discuss what positive discipline is and I will include 10 different discipline strategies that have been proven to be effective with pre-teens and teenagers. I hope that this information will help you create a more peaceful home environment for your entire family.

What Is Positive Discipline?

Positive discipline is a parenting style that focuses on teaching children good behavior, rather than punishing them for bad behavior. There are many different techniques that can be used in order to achieve this, but some of the most common include using logical consequences, setting limits and boundaries, and providing positive reinforcement.

Logical consequences are when the child is given a consequence that is directly related to their behavior. For example, if a young person ‘throws a tantrum’, they may lose the privilege of going to a preferred activity. This type of discipline is effective because it helps young people understand that there are natural consequences to their actions, and it also teaches them how to problem-solve.

Setting limits and boundaries is another important part of positive discipline. It is important that children understand what is expected of them, and that there are consequences for breaking the rules. For example, you may set a rule that your child must be in bed by 9:00pm. If they break this rule, you may then enforce a consequence, such as taking away their television privileges for the night.

Finally, positive reinforcement is when children are rewarded for good behavior. This could be in the form of verbal praise, stickers, or even small rewards. Positive reinforcement is effective because it helps children understand that there are benefits to behaving well.

10 Discipline Strategies That Actually Work

1. Use logical consequences and consider natural consequences for behaviour

There are many logical and natural consequences that can occur as a result of parenting teenagers. One such consequence is that the teenager may become more independent and self-reliant. Another consequence is that the teenager may become more responsible for their own actions and decisions. Additionally, the teenager may develop a greater sense of empathy and compassion for others. Finally, the teenager may become more tolerant of different points of view and more understanding of others' feelings. All of these are logical consequences that can occur as a result of parenting teenagers. By understanding these possible outcomes, parents can be better prepared to deal with them should they arise. Additionally, by being aware of these potential consequences, parents can also help their teenagers to avoid them by teaching and modeling responsible behavior.

2. Set limits and boundaries

There are a few key things to keep in mind when setting limits and boundaries for teens. First, it is important to be clear about what the limits are. Parents should explain to their teens why certain behaviors are not allowed, and what the consequences will be if those behaviors are disobeyed. Additionally, it is important to be consistent with limit-setting. If parents only enforce certain rules sometimes, teens may become confused and less likely to obey them. Finally, it is important to remember that limits and boundaries should be based on what is best for the teen, not the parent's personal preferences. With these things in mind, parents can set limits and boundaries that will help their teens thrive.

3. Provide positive reinforcement

There are a few things to keep in mind when using positive reinforcement with your teen. First, it is important to be consistent. If you only praise your teen when they do something good occasionally, they are likely to become confused and may not respond as well to the reinforcement. Secondly, it is important to be specific when praising your teen. Tell them exactly what it is that you appreciate about their behavior. Finally, make sure that your reinforcement is genuine. Teens can often sense when you are being insincere, and this can undermine the effectiveness of the reinforcement. When used correctly, positive reinforcement can be a powerful tool for parenting teens. By being consistent, specific, and genuine in your praise, you can help your teen feel good about themselves and their behavior. This, in turn, can lead to more positive behavior in the future.

4. Be consistent with your discipline

As mentioned above - consistency is paramount for behavioural change.

5. Avoid physical punishment

Physical punishment is never okay. It might seem like an easy way to get your teenager to behave, but it will only make things worse in the long run. Not only is it ineffective, but it can also damage your relationship and lead to further behavioral problems. If you're struggling to control your anger, then you need to regular your own emotions first. Then talk to your teen about what's going on and try to find a better way to deal with the situation. Try to see things from their perspective and come up with a solution that works for both of you. With a little patience and understanding, you can get through anything without resorting to physical punishment.

6. Avoid using threats or ultimatums

As mentioned above - along with physical punishments; threats and ultimatums are likely to only damage your relationship further.

7. Keep your cool

It can be difficult to stay calm when parenting teens. But I've said it before, and I'll say it again - it's a must. This one is probably a future blog post in itself.

8. Focus on the behavior, not the child

Also known as externalisation in the Narrative Therapy world. It's important to separate behaviour from the child. This means that when a child is behaving in a certain way, it doesn't mean that the child is a bad person. Rather, it's just their behaviour that needs to be addressed. This is an important distinction to make because it can help parents to be more understanding and effective in their parenting. If a parent sees their child as a bad person, they are likely to be more punitive and less understanding. However, if a parent can see that it is just the behaviour that needs to be changed, they can be more effective in helping their child to learn new, more positive behaviours.

There are many different ways to separate behaviour from the child. One way is to think about the child's intention. For example, if a child hits another child, it doesn't necessarily mean that they are trying to be hurtful. It could be that they are just trying to seek connection or they don't know any other way to express their frustration. By understanding the intention behind the behaviour, parents can respond in a way that is more likely to be effective.

Another way to separate behaviour from the child is to think about the child's age and stage of development. Children behave differently at different ages and stages. What may be acceptable behaviour for a toddler may not be acceptable for an older child. It's important to keep this in mind when responding to behaviour.

Finally, it's also important to remember that children are not always able to control their behaviour. There may be times when a child is acting out because they are tired, hungry, or stressed. In these cases, it's important for parents to be understanding and provide the child with the support they need.

9. Use "I" statements

I statements are important in arguments because they allow the speaker to state their position without sounding accusatory. This can help to diffuse tension and make it more likely that the other person will be willing to listen to what you have to say. Additionally, I statements can help to clarify your position and make it easier for the other person to understand your point of view. This is a valuable communication tool with all relationships in our life.

10. Apologize when you make a mistake

There are few things more difficult than apologizing as a parent. We all want our children to know that we're sorry for our mistakes, but often finding the words is the hardest part. Fortunately, there are a few tips that can help make apologizing to your child a little bit easier. First, it's important to be sincere. Your child will be able to tell if you're just saying sorry because you think you have to, so make sure that your apology is genuine. Secondly, take responsibility for your actions. Don't try to blame someone else or make excuses - simply admit that you were in the wrong.

Thirdly, be specific about what you're apologizing for. Vague apologies can be confusing for children, so it's important to be clear about what you did wrong. Finally, make sure that you follow up your apology with action. In other words, don't just say sorry and then carry on as usual - try to change your behaviour in the future so that your child knows that you're truly sorry for what you did. Apologizing to your child isn't always easy, but it's important to do. By following these tips, you can make the process a little bit easier and help ensure that your child knows that you're truly sorry for your mistake.

It is important to remember that every child is different, and what works for one child may not work for another. It is also important to be patient, as it may take some trial and error to find the discipline strategy that works best for your child. But if you are consistent with your discipline and you use positive techniques, you will likely see good results. I have a range of resources to support the mental health and wellbeing of young people that you can find here; Resources.

Do you have experience in positive disciple? Let me know what has worked for you below!

Rosie 🌹

Mental Health Resources Available